"I feel like I could talk to you all night." The woman I'd been enjoying the evening with leaned in and said with a devilish smile. That's when I knew that I was onto something big. The next day thoughts danced inside my head like ancestral cavemen who had just discovered fire. Over the next month, the same scenario played out again and again and again. It seemed like I'd slipped into a modern version of Groundhog Day. Would you believe I hadn't really said anything? In fact, I had barely told this person anything about myself. And it wasn't because I was trying to be evasive. I was simply practicing a newfound skill that made talking about myself almost irrelevant.

If I could do it all over again, I would have practiced my negotiation training and calmly replied in my best FM DJ voice, “You’re from Chicago?” I hate getting sidetracked. Whenever I learn something new, I try to practice that new skill. But someone or something always seems to appear out of thin air to distract me like a jelly donut brigade parachuting into a fat camp. Then, I spend days or even weeks ruminating before unlocking the hidden lesson.

Where are you going? Why are you so dressed up? Are you meeting someone important? These questions often come up when I meet new people. I sometimes smile and give the devilish reply, “Yes, I’m meeting you. Aren’t you important?” I view clothing as a communication tool that allows us to express the identity we want to be associated with. The process of getting dressed puts me in a good mood and reminds me to be more present. This gives me confidence and helps me connect with others. But things weren’t always that way.